Every moment of creating the dream in my head and heart was amazing. It was exciting and creative and joyful. Once I started the process of getting others on board with me, I had discouraging days. In your head you send out all these emails and you think everyone will contact you right back. You think everyone will be as excited as you are. When that doesn't always happen, it makes you wonder why? Then you get to learn..... "why" if you are lucky! I learned that I contacted people in a very busy time for orchestra teachers. I also learned I scheduled auditions during spring break, but I didn't know it was spring break because my kids graduated and it has been a while so I didn't even think of it. Realty came a knocking and I didn't want to open the door, but it was a must. Success doesn't come by letting it get you down, but by overcoming every hurdle "with joy" and moving onward and upward. We don't beat ourselves up in our learning curve. We celebrate that the awareness came, that we are capable and competent in solving the problems that arise and that we are blessed to have opposition because it helps us appreciate more fully the times when it clicks. Great things will happen even if its a step at a time.
Journal Entry-
"I woke up in a panic tonight. Everything that wasn't working hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized how big this really was and wondered if I had the ability to do it. I was including LOTS of people in "my dream" and I didn't want to let them down. I woke Evan up, I was in tears. He told me just what I needed to hear. He told me that I was perfectly capable of doing this and that it would turn out great because that is how I do everything I do. That if anyone could do it, it was me. His confidence in my ability meant a lot. I went back to bed and changed my thinking and started overcoming the obstacles in my head and decided to start moving forward again. Do I think there will not be any future opposition. No, I know there will be.
My biggest fear, that when we come to the actual day of the concert that I will have only a small all cello orchestra because when I scheduled the date a year back and there were a lot of unknowns, like prom dates in 3 school districts, orchestra tours, ensemble festivals, foot ball games etc fell on the same date. I saw that the cellists would have to choose and I didn't want them to have to. I cannot let that happen. I think a blessing from Heavenly Father to know this so that I could plan better. Big task to find it all out though. I can do big tasks.
My second fear is that I cannot make that many cellos sound good. Can I get that many cellist tuned and playing in tune. I don't want the people to see 100 cellos and then be discouraged once they start playing. I have heard an all cello group play really well and I have heard one play out of tune. I am nervous though because it will take practice and I already have students, teachers and parents wanting to know how much time this is going to take and I am nervous about how much time I will have to rehearse the orchestra. Mr. Keyes and other music staff have to be at the building when I am there rehearsing and they don't get paid for that time and they have families and are busy too. Not sure how to solve all of these yet, but feel blessed to know about them in my head not. Knowns, we can be working on solving. Go climb your mountains Janice."
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